Without Direction
by Arianwen P.F. Everett
Summary: When Regina is unable to leave the house, following a misunderstanding that has once again turned the town against her, Archie brings their therapy session to her.
1. Chapter 1

Authoress' Note: I'm not exactly sure what Regina will choose in this story, but I do intend to finish it. This takes place after 'Queen of Hearts' and assumes Emma will get her job as sheriff back in the upcoming episodes. I'm working through the second part and would REALLY appreciate detailed feedback and suggestions in reader's reviews!

Without Direction

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

"So, house arrest? I don't know what to say, Regina," Dr. Archie Hopper stated simply, honest as always. He would remain a conscience till the day he died, human or cricket form mattered little. What had started as a quest for redemption had turned into an avocation he was grateful for.

"I'm sure you've heard the story. Despite the fact that dozens of fairies have been all over the prostrate man in the hospital and have concluded that there was no magic beyond the lingering memories of the curse and Rumplestiltskin's magical cloud, I somehow used my power to push him in front of a minivan for no other reason than he was arguing with me and I'm evil," Regina quipped, but Archie could tell that her venom at being falsely accused hurt her more than she was letting on.

"I know that's not true, and as to the next question I know you're about to ask, Henry does as well. Emma set him straight on that. He's been trying get people to understand, but it's a slow process, especially when nobody knows what really happened," Archie delved, letting his patient absorb the fact that her son was on her side and giving Regina an opening to tell him her side of the story. If there was one thing Archie had gleaned from learning about the incident yesterday afternoon, it was that rumor and speculation, not fact, were ruling the day here.

A look of sheer bliss washed over Regina's features. "My little knight, my hero, defending his Queen like he used to, before that book, before _her_."

"Regina, Emma didn't…"

"Don't bother. I know you're her friend, so I won't tax you on the point. Anyway, you asked what happened with Mr. Drake. Well, I was in his shop, picking up my weekly order and sharing my cheese bread recipe with him. I think I told you we'd started swapping recipes a few weeks ago. Anyway, he offers to help me with my bags as the bakery was my last stop before going home and I was pretty laden down already; then, out of the blue, he asks me out to dinner at Tony's. I thanked him, trying to let him down easily, but he kept insisting I give him a reason for my refusal. I explained to him that I wasn't interested in him that way and that he should find someone who was. All the while he's backpedaling towards the curb. I tried to warn him that he was about to walk into oncoming traffic, but he ignored my warning. He was too busy going on about how few options I had in this town and how his business was thriving while I was currently unemployed. I didn't even get to respond when the minivan made a hard turn on Elm and well… I dialed 911 and tried to check his pulse, but before I could reach for his neck, those busybody wolves restrained me," Regina finished, amazement still written over her face at the memory of the solidly built man going over the vehicle's hood like a rag doll.

"Ruby and Granny thought you were trying to harm him," Archie defended, deciding to put aside her portrayal of his two friends as the creatures they were both cursed to become.

"I don't care about their motivations; they had no right to lay their dirty paws on me!" Regina railed, desperately trying to control the anger welling inside of her. The Evil Queen wanted out, wanted to exact revenge on those that had humiliated her, but Henry cared about them so Regina, his mother, locked her away once more.

"Okay, granted, they rushed to judgment where they shouldn't have, but let's forget about Ruby and Granny for the moment. What happened after that?" Archie questions, not wanting his prickly patient to clam up just yet.

"Nothing happened after that. The ambulance came just as Sheriff Swan arrived on the scene. I told her what happened and she asked me to sit in the patrol car. I did so while she took some statements. Once everything was squared away and I'd gathered what was left of my groceries, we decided that for my own safety I wouldn't leave the house for a few days; Sheriff Swan called it a defacto house arrest, even though she assured me she understood it was all just an accident. Thankfully the other witnesses and the fairies' magic confirmed I didn't touch the oaf, so I'm still planning on attending that bake sale Henry's class is having Thursday afternoon and buying a cupcake or two to show him my support," Regina explained, her previous anger having slipped away at the mere mention of her son's upcoming event.

Archie thought about Regina's description and while he understood her frustration at being unjustly confined, as she'd talked a question had arisen in him that he wasn't sure how to phrase. Collecting his thoughts and girding his loins against any possible backlash due to the personal nature of the coming line of inquiry, Archie pushed forward. "Regina, I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm sorry that people can't see the good person you're becoming. I know you've been trying to change these past few months and you've been doing a great job, really excellent work. However, I'm curious as to why you weren't interested in having dinner with Mr. Drake. I mean, his reaction aside, you've previously mentioned that you both enjoy gardening and sharing recipes."

"Not enough to bed him, I don't," Regina abruptly inserted. The man was a wall, equal parts muscle and fat. It wasn't his fault, really. He was the last of the human/giant hybrids, but neither his form in their realm or his current, fully human one, held any appeal to her.

"Who said anything about…"

"He asked me out on a date at Tony's, not a friendly lunch at Granny's. I know when a man's interested in me and I didn't want to lead him on," Regina explained as if to a dullard. She'd been around the block enough times to know that there would be no going back to the free and easy comradery of cooking aficionados trading tips now that Drake had crossed that line.

"Your attention to his feelings is commendable, but how do you know you wouldn't have had a good time if you'd accepted? You didn't even give him a chance," Archie continued. He knew the woman before him was lonely and yet she had rejected a simple offer of dinner from a man whom she'd made a positive connection with.

"If he were the last man in this realm, I'd still be well above his pay grade. Drake was completely accurate in his assessment of my dating options, but I'm not that desperate," Regina rebutted forcefully, rolling her eyes at the cricket-turned-therapist's lack of understanding. Although she supposed it wasn't his fault. He'd not been human long enough to fall in love before the Blue Fairy had turned him into a conscience to escape his cruel parents.

Not for the first time since starting her therapy and learning of his background, Regina wondered what her life would have been like if even one of her own youthful wishes had brought a fairy to save her from her mother. Quickly she put such thoughts to bed. If she'd been rescued back then, turned into a form so different that Cora couldn't have recognized her, she never would have met Daniel. Even after all the horrific pain and miserable longing his loss had engendered in her, to never have known him would have been far worse.

"You place a lot of importance on appearance, don't you?" Archie surmised gently. Despite Regina's protests that her mother had failed to turn her daughter into herself, the evil witch that had murdered her child's true love had succeeded in installing a value system based on image, power, and selfish determination. Regina might love more freely, but Cora's mark was still there. Archie had to modulate that if he were to bring out the best in Regina's spirit.

"We all do; it's human nature. If appearance is so arbitrary, why didn't Drake ask Sophie from the seafood shop out instead of me? They have a lot more in common, people don't fear her, and she looks like the type of young woman who'd appreciate being asked. However, despite all this, he asked me because I'm far more attractive and my smell is less offensive," Regina countered. She was no more obsessed with appearance than anyone else. Daniel had been attractive but she'd fallen in love with him for his gentleness, intelligence, and perseverance. Even Graham, whom she'd primarily taken on as a bedmate, had possessed the skills of a hunter and a ruthlessness that had turned her on. She didn't see anything special in Martin Drake and had no desire to look beyond his appearance.

Archie sighed. She had a point. As her therapist, Archie knew Sophie had feelings for Martin Drake, but that despite knowing her for years in the Enchanted Forest as well as here, he barely said hello to her when they passed on the street. Regina was a very attractive woman and Martin had asked her out after only a brief acquaintance. However, this session wasn't about Martin or Sophie, and Regina was the one he had to focus on. "Granted, but Martin obviously saw something in you that made him want to spend more time getting to know you. As you said, people fear you, so asking you out came with the risk of being ridiculed, a risk he was willing to take."

"And that's what makes the whole situation so galling. I was as delicate as I could be. Same thing with Sydney. After he killed the king, I offered him an escape from the palace, but instead he chose to curse himself into a mirror rather than run away and live a full life! What is with these guys that they can't take 'I'm not interested' for an answer?" Regina gripped, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

Since Daniel's death, the men who sought her attention were generally weak nobodies. As with the genie, this could be useful, but it could also be extremely annoying at times. She remembered her father had claimed he first fell in love with her mother because of her fiery temperament and unwillingness to concede her ground, even in the face of a more powerful opponent. Perhaps some men were just like that. They sought strength, even dangerous strength, to balance their timidity.

Archie was taken aback at his patient's mention of her late husband. She'd barely even acknowledged her marriage before today, and Archie felt like a dwarf who'd finally discovered a deep vein of diamonds. "I thought you killed the king."

"I arranged his death, but technically Sydney was the one who killed him. I needed to appear sympathetic to the people to prevent rebellion, and Sydney was a foreigner, a genie whom Leopold had befriended. Politically, he made the perfect assassin. I convinced Sydney that I had fallen for him the way he'd fallen for me but that the king stood in the way of our happy ending, and I let him believe that if he didn't kill Leopold, I'd commit suicide rather than live without him. Once Sydney had done the deed, I tried to convince him to flee for his own safety. When he refused, I revealed my ruse and informed him that I'd never had any intention of being with him, thinking that would motivate him to save his own hide. Instead he used the final wish in his lamp to give himself the opportunity to 'look upon my face, always'. That's how he ended up in my mirror," Regina related matter-of-factly. Where Sydney was concerned, she felt nothing, neither victorious nor defeated, which was probably why she had grown to appreciate his company. She liked the numbness his presence provided. For so long it had been a welcome respite from the chaos of her life.

"Sounds like you miss him," Archie commented, having heard wistfulness in her voice he could only hope was for the man and not the murder the two had committed.

"In a way, I suppose I do. Despite his cloying affections, he was loyal, efficient, reliable, and uncomplicated. However, I'm not exactly comfortable with how our association began and I didn't want to repeat that history with Mr. Drake. Back then, in that miserable world, I had no choice, no hope of a happy ending if I remained tethered to that weak old man who sought to control me merely because he was born a king and had married me against my will. I did what I had to, used whom I had to, to survive and gain my freedom. For that part, I have no qualms. However, here, even without using magic, I have more options and I didn't want to go down the same road if I could help it. Considering what happened yesterday, maybe it's my destiny irregardless of my intent or actions," Regina surmised in defeat.

Long ago, when the man known in Storybrooke as Dr. Whale had failed to resurrect Daniel, she'd accepted the unpleasantness of her destiny, the lines she'd have to cross in order to gain enough power to do it herself and give them a chance at their happy ending. Now, at his pained request, she'd let him go, and with him any hope for their mutual rebirth that she'd held onto over the years of darkness. Yet she still had to play the role destiny had set before her knowing there would be no ultimate reward for her effort. She might one day win back Henry's love, but the years of him being her son were gone. Emma was never leaving now that the curse was broken and she'd found her family and Regina had to accept that any victory would be partial and flimsy at best. Any victory would cause her more pain than joy and yet she would soldier on because it was what Henry needed and Daniel had wanted. She would endure any hardship in her quest for Henry's love, just as she'd once done in the name of Daniel's return to her arms. Through Henry, she would indeed 'love again', no matter what that love cost her, even if it left her as heartbroken and miserable as she'd been all those years she'd searched for a way to bring Daniel back .

"No, Regina. That was an accident, not a sign. You did what you thought was right. That was all you could do," Archie jumped in. He could see a spiral into depression beginning and it was his job to stop it before it buried the hurt woman sitting across from him.

Regina tried to believe the ginger-haired man, but the part of her that always assumed the worst reared its head. "Perhaps, but.. Maleficent warned me. She claimed that casting the dark curse would leave a void inside of me that would never be filled. What if she was right? What if I can't make friends without dire consequence to them? What if Henry finds a way to forgive me and as a result he gets hurt or kill…"

"Regina, stop it! Stop it right now! You'll drive yourself crazy if you don't stop this and then where will Henry be?!" Archie shouted before kneeling in front of his patient, grabbing her shoulders, and forcing her to meet his eyes. This was not where things were supposed to go.

He'd known Regina had deep pain, but until this moment he hadn't understood that Daniel and her hope for their future together had acted as a dam against all the anger, fear, and fatalism that had built up for nearly two decades inside the Evil Queen. Now that she accepted his loss as unalterable, all of it was rushing over her and twisting her thoughts towards self destruction. If he couldn't get this under control, he'd be forced to call Sheriff Swan have Regina taken to the hospital and put on a suicide watch, in Whale's care. The man was unfit to wear the title of doctor, and yet Storybrooke needed him. With the curse broken, they couldn't just hire or create new medical personnel. The curse had left him with knowledge of this world's medicine and thus made him a necessary evil, but in Archie's eyes, an evil just the same.

"Henry would be with his birthmother and her parents. He'd be fine irregardless of whether I went mad or not. In time, and with the help of his newfound family I'm sure, he'd forget that he'd ever loved me at all or chalk his good memories with me up to a side effect of the curse," Regina stated bitterly.

Sadly, Archie knew she was probably right. Henry would miss her at first, maybe even feel some guilt, but it wasn't in his nature to harbor loss or regret for long. He was already thriving in Emma, Snow, and Charming's care and would likely continue to do so with or without Regina. Still, Archie could tell Regina was not so strong at the moment and he needed to use Henry's place in her heart if she were to pull herself out of a pit of despair. As one of his favorite expressions from this world advised 'sometimes you've got to fake it till you make it', so Archie put on his most serious expression and stared the former Evil Queen in the eye. "Physically, he'd be fine, true, but he loves you, Regina. Can you imagine the guilt he'd feel if he thought his moving in with Emma and their family had driven you insane? Surely you can't want that for him."

"Of course I don't want that for him, but I also don't want him pinned under a minivan for trying to have lunch with me either!" Regina blurted out, her mind filling with horrific images of her baby boy dismembered and in pain as his biological family fought to free him without killing him.

"Regina, Henry's safe. Look, I don't understand much about magic, but I can speak with the Blue Fairy, see if there's any merit to your concerns. If anyone would know, it's her." Archie offered, hoping he got the answer they both wanted to hear. If Regina was right, if the curse had turned on her and anyone who cared about her, he didn't have much hope of keeping her sane or even alive. Then again, what was the purpose of life if you couldn't even swap a few recipes with a bakery owner without having that person end up in a body cast for merely being civil to you?

Regina thought about the offer a moment before conceding. Truth was that the only person who could tell for sure was Rumplestiltskin and he had incentive to see her loose everything, even her son, so his help was out of the question. The Blue Fairy was ancient. If anyone else had a prayer of deciphering the curse's long term implications, it would be her. "That would be helpful. Rumplestiltskin wrote the dark curse, so he might have put in an angle even she can't see, but I'd feel better knowing there's nothing intrinsically threatening to Henry."

"I'm happy to help. I know how much Henry means to you, and…"

"He's my whole world. In the stables, before I had to… Daniel told me to love again, but the truth is that Henry is the only person worth loving. Before Emma and that book, all Henry ever wanted was my love and attention, and I tried, I tried the best I could, but it wasn't good enough. If I can't win his love, if I can't get him to come home, to stop calling those people 'mom', and 'grandma', and 'gramps', I don't know what I'll do," Regina seethed with frustration, suddenly finding her emotions too explosive to contain.

Another finer point about Sydney Glass was that, like her father, he listened. He may not have been able to do anything, but he always paid attention and took her side. As much as she now respected Archie, she knew Snow and her family were his old friends and he was loyal to them; he'd put their needs ahead of hers.

"Regina, they are his mother and grandparents; you have to accept that fact, learn to work with them," Archie replied, realizing he had to deal with this conflict here and now if they were to proceed in their work together.

"You mean obey them, submit to their every whim on how to raise Henry, and of course, pay the bills when what they've unilaterally decided is best for Henry costs more than their combined public servants' salaries will permit. That's not parenting, Dr. Hopper; that's not being Henry's mother, and that's certainly not reciprocal love!" Regina raged, making Archie jump at the raw rage in her voice. Yet, as he watched the woman before him standing her ground, he could see the true Regina, not the Evil Queen, making her voice and her needs heard. While few in Storybrooke would agree, this outburst was a good thing.

"No, Regina, I mean work _with_ them. Compromise with them," Archie explained, sitting his patient back down, only to have her move to the edge of her seat, ready to jump up again.

"They're royal. They have the loyalty and support of the people, and Henry believes they can do no wrong. They don't have to compromise, so they won't. They will keep feeding my impressionable child their self serving spin and pretty soon I'll have Snow's pet dwarves breaking down my door with pick axes to collect Henry's remaining possessions. Make no mistake; they intend to cut me out of Henry's life permanently. My only hope is that Henry can find a way to see past their manipulation, the way he saw past the curse. My boy's smart. Someday he'll see. The only question is whether he'll already have given up on me completely before he sees," Regina explained, going from clenched-teeth fury to soft admission as her thoughts progressed to her lips.

"How do you believe he'll come to this realization?" Archie asked, curiously. He wasn't about to question Regina's assumption directly. That would merely force her to defend her position when his goal for her was to deal with her anger productively and without magic.

"Emma. She's the least skilled emotionally, so she's the most likely to slip up, to admit that she lied about something to him, most likely the lie she told about who his biological father was. Then Henry will come to understand that all adults lie for the protection and comfort of the children they love. Once he sees Emma and her family aren't perfectly moral, he'll feel betrayed and come home to me, and I promise you, I'm not going to waste the opportunity. I'll help him to see that while Emma lied to make herself look better, my lie was only meant to give him his best chance in this world. I mean seriously, what ivy league school is going to admit a young man who writes his admissions essay on how the struggles of his grandparents, Snow White and Prince Charming, have shaped his life? What teenaged girl is going to accept a date from a boy who carries a book of fairytales everywhere? Heck, the art teacher at the middle school level used to be a gnome that turned children into sculpture. How could Henry have made it through his class once he'd read his story and figured out who he'd been in our world? The curse and our world aside, I had to raise Henry to be able to succeed in the realm he would grow up in, didn't I?" Regina asked, knowing that had Emma not come to town, life and age would have done to Henry what the curse had done to everyone else, convince him that nothing was out of the ordinary in Storybrooke and that any feelings to the contrary were all in his mind.

"Whoa, whoa, wait! There's a gnome that kills children to make art working in the town middle school?" Archie asked, his senses heightened. He had to get more information and warn the town, lest the creature take up his old vocation.

"Yes, Mr. Epstein, but he's no longer a threat. He can't entrance the children with a lute when they have video games and internet porn at home, so even if he wanted to pick up where he left off in our realm, he has no way to get them back to his workshop. When I was first learning magic, Rumplestiltskin sent me to obtain a sculpting knife he'd dealt for but had yet to receive. Unfortunately, the guy wouldn't hand it over until I'd toured his gallery and gave him my honest assessment of his work. I did, and let's just say peaceful negotiations for the knife kind of broke down from there," Regina detailed to a dumbfounded Archie. He'd always known things like this happened back in the Enchanted Forest, but the fact that Regina had felt so comfortable running with this crowd still put him back a step every now and then.

"Regina, it's only fair that I let you know, I'm obligated to inform Sheriff Swan about this. This man needs to be removed from his position with children," Archie informed his patient.

"Well, I guess now that the curse is broken, it's for the best," Regina commented, shrugging her shoulders noncommittally. Archie wished she felt more strongly about the rightness of protecting the middle school students in Storybrooke, but he understood why she didn't. She'd been separated from her conscience a large part of her life; they needed time to become reacquainted. He would be there to facilitate the reunion, for that was who he was and who he wanted to be.

"Are you sure disparaging Emma and her family is the best course of action; I mean, when she first arrived, you tried to convince Henry that she was a con woman…"

"According to the private investigators I've hired from outside Storybrooke, she was a con woman, as well as a car thief, at the time Henry was born. When she finally got caught, it was for a jewelry store heist that one of her associates committed. I've seen multiple sources of surveillance footage and considering how the two carried on, the timing, and the eerily familiar way this man walked and stood, I suspect he might have been Henry's biological father as well," Regina crowed, knowing that she finally had something on the blonde. It wasn't fair that all her sins should be on public display, but the car thief sheriff should have her privacy respected. Regina knew she would never win Henry's forgiveness for her own past until he saw the remorseless criminal his birth mother had been as a young woman. She didn't need to lie to Henry and she didn't need magic. In this one instance, the truth could set Regina free. How to package that truth so that he wasn't permanently damaged by the disappointment or turned his anger on her to protect Emma was the issue.

"Regina, revealing the hurtful truth about his origins won't make Henry love you," Archie offered, feeling the heat of this woman's desperation and knowing he had to bring her back to her better nature, even if it required shocking her.

"Is the conscience advocating I lie to my son?" Regina shot back, the former cricket's verbal arrow having hit its mark.

"Of course not. Emma was the one who lied, and she shouldn't have, but if you tell Henry the truth, all he'll see is that you're willing to ruin his relationship with his biological mother to get what you want," Archie pleaded. He understood Regina's frustration at watching another prosper from deception while she was pilloried for things she didn't even do.

"Then how am I going to get him to see that Emma Swan has feet of clay, that she's just the imperfect woman who gave birth to him and not some mythical hero? How do I do that? Because I can't see any other way of getting him to stand still long enough for me to show him I love him! He's growing up. He's growing up and I'm not there! She's there! How can I win his love when he perpetually runs towards her and away from me?!" Regina fumed, shooting out of her seat and pacing back and forth across her living room.

"You stop chasing him and give him a chance to come to you, and you have to find other people to spend your life with, because, while I truly do hope that you and he can build a new relationship together, the case may be that Henry won't come back to you," Archie offered, knowing whatever came from that statement wouldn't be easy for either of them. He just lit a match near a powder keg, but he had to be honest.

Hearing this was like a punch to the gut, but Regina wouldn't allow it to sidetrack her. She'd learned long ago to hide her disappointment. "I have thought about leaving Storybrooke, but doing so almost certainly means I'll never have Henry's love. I might not even remember he exists. I certainly won't remember my Daniel, and..."

And then it happened, a gushing of sorrow suddenly swallowed Regina, and Archie sat silently dumb founded. He had expected a fight or a painful emotional upheaval, but this was beyond anything he could have imagined. In all his years, both in the Enchanted Forest and this world, he had never witnessed pain so consuming. He thought about the child Gepetto and the years of tearful nights, but in time the young boy, kind hearted by nature, found friendship and true love. Many years later, he carved Pinocchio, and now the man named August had returned to help his elderly father in his repair shop. His old friend finally had his happy ending. Regina was one, big open wound, and for several moments Archie was doubtful that he'd ever be able to bind her, much less help her heal. All he could do was watch as she toppled over onto her side, curled up into a ball on her sofa, and lay there sobbing.

It took nearly half an hour, but her tears finally stopped. Seeing the signs of dehydration, Archie quickly filled a glass of water from the carafe on Regina's coffee table and handed it to her. He barely knew where to begin. The only thing he could think of was the gnawing question of why she had to leave Storybrooke to build friendships. He knew she faced an uphill battle, having been the one to cast the curse that had brought them all here, but he also knew that many of the residents of Storybrooke were far happier in this world then they'd ever been in the Enchanted Forest. Surely some of those people could become her friends if she gave them the chance. Still, Archie believed that whether or not she should surrender her memories for a new life was a choice Regina had the right to make for herself. He just needed to ensure she saw all the possibilities before her and made her decision for the right reasons.

So preoccupied in his planning was Archie that he completely missed Regina's attempt to straighten herself out and put on her mask of control. "You don't have to stay. I know our session ended some time ago. I'm grateful, but I understand if you have other patients or things you need to do."

"I cleared my afternoon. I'd guessed the house arrest would be difficult on you," Archie admitted. Nobody liked to be caged, but due to the demons of her past that perpetually threatened to catch up with her, Regina especially detested standing still.

"Thank you," Regina replied, not knowing what more to say. She wasn't used to her feelings being considered in other people's plans.

"Would you like to stop? I mean, if this is getting too painful, I'll understand," Archie offered. He knew his patient well enough to know that being out of control was terrifying for her, so he wanted her to choose whether or not to continue.

"If I was the type of person who let pain stop me, I'd never get anything done. Perhaps I really should cross the border and leave Storybrooke. I mean, after I cast the dark curse, when there was no magic, the pain was always so much less. I think that's why it took me so long to adopt Henry; for eighteen years, having to endure so little pain on a day to day basis left me content, needing nothing more in my life than my job as mayor and the solitude of my apple tree at home. Maybe without memories or magic, I'd have a chance to truly be free of the pain," Regina contemplated as she adjusted her scarf under her shirt collar.

"Perhaps, but don't you think your leaving will be hard on Henry?" Archie asked, worried that Regina was attempting to talk herself into something she wasn't thinking through. As much as Regina thought the boy indifferent, Archie knew better. Regina had been Henry's entire world for years. His disgust at her was a reflection of his pain at being told his perceptions of the curse were mental illness. If he'd truly felt so little regard for her, he would never have pushed her away as forcefully as he had. He understood Regina's exhaustion at trying to connect and failing, but he also had to think of Henry's wellbeing. Regina was his mother and her leaving Storybrooke would be abandonment to him.

Regina organized her thoughts before making her case. She knew it sounded like she was giving up on her life with Henry, but just as the Enchanted Forest had nearly eaten her alive, so she felt the newly delivered magic of Storybrooke threatening to do the same. This was an issue of survival. Perhaps the best thing to do was to let go of her hope for a happy ending and move to a place where nobody truly expected to get one. "Like I said, Henry would be fine with Emma and her family. Besides, I'd never just get in my car and drive. I'd have to talk with Emma, sign over custody, set up a college fund, transfer my house and several bank accounts into a trust for Henry once he reaches adulthood; we're looking at weeks or months of work before I could leave. There would be plenty of time for the two of us to make peace."

"Make peace? You talk as though you'd be dying," Archie questioned, his previous concern that she might attempt to take her own life resurfacing.

"In a sense, I will be. While I have no way of knowing for sure what would happen to me if I crossed the border, I have no 'cursed self' to draw my life memories from. From the moment I arrived in this realm, I remembered everything that I'd lived through in the Enchanted Forest, although I was given a lot of additional knowledge like how to use a microwave and what the American Revolution was. I'm assuming that 'education' would stay with me, but the rest would be lost. If Henry really had been just a baby from this world and not Snow and Charming's grandchild, I'd probably have a chance of remembering him. However, he wasn't. He's part of them and they are part of our realm." Regina explained, the disappointment she'd felt at realizing Henry's true origins seeping into her voice.

She'd once entertained the notion that Henry's adoption papers were like her green card, a way to make her truly a part of this wondrous realm the way the naturalization process turned a refugee into a citizen. Now she knew the truth; by adopting her son she'd bound herself even tighter to that horror show of a world she'd been born to. She just wished she could make her son understand what the Enchanted Forest was really like and how the stories in his book were whimsical fantasies of a way of life that had never existed except for a tiny, tiny minority. Then again, with Snow and Charming as his grandparents and his mother, the savior, had Henry been born in their realm he would likely have been in that tiny minority, a happy ending requiring no exceptional effort his birthright.

"So even though Henry was never part of the Enchanted Forest himself, there's a good chance you still won't remember him," Archie concluded.

Nodding, Regina considered the situation. "Him or anything else about my past, which might be for the best. I mean, imagine if you were a mother of a brilliant ten year old boy one day, blacked out for a few minutes, then came to and everyone told you that your previous life, including your child, was just a figment of your imagination. I can't see how I'd ever find even a small degree of happiness under those circumstances. Heck, I'm pretty sure there was a horror movie about just that scenario a few years back, it involved a plane crash I think… maybe a train derailment, something like that…."

"I'm surprised you can speak so casually about it all," Archie stated, partially intrigued and partially concerned, although not about the movie. Having a psychotherapist's license, his curse-provided training, and his bank account information, his hasty decision to attempt to leave Storybrooke when the curse first broke had carried little practical risk. Thankfully their prince had stopped everyone, including himself, from giving up who they'd been. Even armed with all her legal paperwork, Regina was risking far, far more but showed none of the anxiety each of Storybrooke's residents had shown as they drove towards the boundary that fateful day.

"Other than my Daniel and Henry, and also maybe a few with my father, I don't really have any memories I'd be sorry to loose. Hopefully those I make once outside this town will be better, happier. I know I will never be… have... I know happy endings don't exist out there, but I won't remember that there was ever a place where they did, and as they say in this world 'You can't miss what you never knew," Regina explained, trying to put her hopes into words.

"But if you won't be happy there, then why…"

Regina cut Archie off from drawing the wrong conclusion. "I didn't say I wouldn't be happy. I might be. But the kind of happiness that lasts, the kind that walks beside you the whole of your life and sustains you in tough times, my chance for that died when I let my Daniel go. I know they say that magic can't raise the dead and that I and Whale were on a fool's errand from the beginning, but I still believe there's a force out there, be it magic or medicine or something else entirely, that will one day succeed where the not-so-good Doctor failed. For Daniel and I, however, whatever it is, it comes too late. From what I've gleaned, people native to this world take small victories, small joys, so that on their deathbeds they can claim those successes greater than the sum of their parts. I can't help thinking that maybe, if I truly become a part of this realm, if I leave the Enchanted Forest behind forever, that way of living might work for me, might bring me some happiness… but to do so, I'll have to give up Henry. All magic comes with a price. I just don't know which price is greater, staying or leaving. Once I figure that out, I'll know what I have to do."

"I'd like to help you with that," Archie offered, holding Regina's gaze across the coffee table. He knew Regina wasn't used to people making offers to help her, at least offers that didn't come with a painful price, and he silently cursed her parents for isolating her as a child. Despite her devotion to her father's memory and the positive stories she'd shared in the course of her therapy, Archie could see the myriad of ways the elder Henry had failed his daughter. Some of his choices, though distasteful, had been necessary. Had the man stood up to Cora when their child was young, Archie had no doubt the witch who fit the textbook definition of sociopath would have killed her husband and young Regina would have been truly alone and defenseless. However, once Regina was older and less physically dependant on her parents, Henry could have run away with his daughter, but he hadn't. Instead, he'd comforted her after the fact and coaxed her out of depressions with jokes and stories, but offered no real protection when she was abused daily at the hands of a monster. That above all else Archie had trouble forgiving, though as a conscience, he would always try. Holding anger accomplished nothing.

"I'd appreciate that; thank you," Regina replied as she took another sip of water. She didn't know where to go from there. She knew the trappings of false generosity well enough but the rules of the real kind, beyond thanking the bearer, still left her feeling awkward.

Archie beamed a smile before growing serious again. "You're welcome. It's a big decision, and I'm honored that you trust me enough to let me help you make it. I want you to know I don't take that lightly."

Regina nodded her head in gratitude once more. She was overloading on kindness and she couldn't take any more. She had to get back to business. That was where she could be strong and effective without risking someone being hurt. "So, how do we do this? Should we make a list, pros and cons of why I should or shouldn't leave?"

"Exactly, although it doesn't have to be a written list. In a way we've already started. You mentioned that leaving would give you a chance at happiness without the burden of your past. You've also expressed your hope to rebuild your relationship with Henry as your primary reason to stay. If you want, we can write this down, but we don't have to; it's really your choice," Archie offered, taking up a notepad should Regina choose that option.

"Considering you take notes on our sessions anyway, we don't need to draw up any formal documents," Regina conceded, not wanting to make extra work for her therapist. She knew herself. When the right answer arrived, she'd know it.


	2. Chapter 2

Authoress' Note: I would like to give a very appreciative THANK YOU to TheWormThatTurns for their assistance in creating and organizing this chapter as well as the next. You helped me find my direction with this story and I humbly admit I could never have done it without you!

Without Direction: Part 2

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

As Dr. Archibald Hopper stood at his office window, his concern mounted with each tick of the clock. Her appointment wasn't for another five minutes, but it wasn't like Regina Mills to wait in her car till the last moment. To add to her odd behavior, she'd arrived much earlier than usual, nearly an hour before her appointment instead of a mere fifteen minutes. Whatever was up, it wouldn't be good. A sinking feeling filled his abdomen; she must have used magic again. Two minutes before her appointment was to begin, Regina Mill's car door opened, and Archie dashed away from the window and moved to his door, ready to open it the minute the brunette buzzed to announce her arrival.

Once she was inside and seated, Archie had to wait another three minutes to begin, which only strengthened his previous hypothesis. "So, how has your week been?"

"Good. It's getting easier to not use magic. Martin Drake has returned home, albeit by ambulance, and he's seeing visitors so I'm harassed less while walking down the street. At least on that front, things are getting better," Regina answered, leaving an opening to get to what she needed to discuss out into the open. She knew Dr. Hopper had been watching her from the window and knew he was likely as eager to get to the reason for her current stressed out state as she was to express it and get some advice.

"I'm glad to hear it. I know Mr. Drake's accident has brought out a lot of the town's resentment towards you and I'm proud that you're holding your own without resorting to magic," Archie responded, not taking the opening she'd offered. He itched to figure out what was bothering his most complicated patient if she hadn't used magic, but resisted, knowing it was better for her to bring it up. His curse-given training informed him that chasing a patient was always a bad idea. If they wanted help, they had to ask for it.

Regina sighed, no more certain how to bring up her predicament than when she'd arrived an hour early to give her time to figure out a means of communicating a feeling she couldn't even place. Falling back on base conversation seemed best for right now. Hopefully Dr. Hopper would help her find a way to express what she was feeling later in their session. "Well, like I said, it's getting easier. I no longer feel the power underneath my skin every second of the day."

"But something is troubling you, something nonmagical?" Archie concluded, careful not to go any further. He could give her a nudge, but she had to bring it up.

"Yes, although I'm not sure exactly why I'm troubled; I'm even having difficulty finding the words to explain it all, but troubled sums the overall feeling up, I suppose," Regina explained as best she could.

"Okay. Well, maybe you should tell me what lead to this sense of trouble. When did you start feeling this way?" Archie asked, glad they could finally approach what was distressing his patient, even if she couldn't yet name it.

Regina's hackles rose again at the mere question, but she forced herself to move forward, carefully. "Oh, that I'm very clear on; it started Thursday around 4 PM when I took Henry to get our flu shots. Well, technically, it happened immediately afterwards as we were headed for the exit… Look before we go any further, I need to make clear; what happened, what caused this… trouble, didn't happen to me. It involves someone else who I'm sure doesn't want it getting around, and I need to be certain you're not going to go running to Sheriff Swan or her family and divulge everything I say here. Under the laws of this land, doctor/patient confidentiality would keep you from doing so, but none of us are truly from this land, are we?"

"No, we're not, but I still hold the privacy of the doctor/patient relationship in the highest regard. Unless someone will come to imminent harm, you can count on my discretion," Archie assured his patient, watching her relax a bit more at his words. She trusted him now and Archie was quite proud of that accomplishment.

"The harm has already been done, but not by me. Dr. Whale… Dr. Whale was raped by Nurse Gorlois. From what I've been told, she slipped a roofie into his evening coffee order, waited for the drug to kick in, and then proceeded to have sex with his semi-conscious body," Regina informed, wanting to get the unpleasant news out. While she had no love for the man, something about Whale's violation had hit home. It brought back painful memories that she thought she'd buried and the events of the past few days had taken her down a road she wasn't sure she should have traveled.

"Oh my god! Is he okay? Has he reported the incident? What does Sheriff Swan say?" Archie asked, shock fueling his questions.

"Sheriff Swan doesn't know yet, at least not about the rape. According to Whale, when he'd first woken up he'd immediately realized that he'd been drugged and sent out his own blood work to get proof. This was reported to the hospital and Sheriff Swan, but their collective assumption had been that the perpetrator had meant to rob him or was attempting to alter medical records through his account, as he'd been logged into the hospital servers at the time. An investigation was launched, but since nothing looked amiss and the servers didn't record any odd entries into the system, everyone had considered it a close call and Whale was monitored for 24 hours, lest he have any more side effects beyond the nausea and the splitting headache." Regina related the story, preferring to deal with the facts of the case and not the more emotional details that would follow.

Recognition suddenly hit Archie. He'd heard about the incident of a doctor being dosed at the hospital while he was logged into the record servers. "I'd heard whisperings about that, but nobody had mentioned it was Whale, or that he was raped."

"Whale didn't know himself. After she'd… finished, Nurse Gorlois cleaned him up and got him back at his desk. He had no reason to suspect he'd been sexually assaulted. She resigned five weeks after the incident and went to work as an online nurse consultant. When she went to pick up her final paycheck, she asked to speak with him in private and told him what she'd done. She said she wanted to have a baby, but the curse had left her with a massive load of student loan and credit card debt that hadn't just disappeared after it was broken. On her income alone, she couldn't afford to have a baby without a big fat child support check, and so she'd targeted Whale because he had a stable income and all the qualities she wanted in her baby's father," Regina continued, her nerves rising as she got closer and closer to her involvement in the story.

"She's pregnant," Archie surmised, rubbing his brow. He knew the score now. With no physical evidence and Whale's reputation as a cad, the odds of a rape conviction were slim. Even in proven cases of rape, the child was still legally entitled to its father's support, leaving Whale on the hook for a good percentage of his income.

"She _was_ pregnant. She miscarried two days ago. That's where I come into the picture," Regina admitted. She felt no guilt about what she'd done, but her emotions were roiling just the same.

"You used magic to terminate the pregnancy?" Archie asked in confusion. She'd told him she'd not been using magic.

"No. Whale wanted me to use magic, but I wasn't going to break my promise to Henry. Instead, I mixed up a batch of an herbal abortificant that my final governess had taught me to make and invited Elaine over to inquire about why she'd left her job and where she saw her career headed. I served tea and some sugar cookies I'd baked for the occasion. I think she presumed I was going to offer her another job, so she dutifully ate and drank while we talked. That morning, around 2 AM, she was admitted to the hospital with cramps and bleeding," Regina explained calmly.

Archie sighed, drawing his conclusions. "The tea, I'm assuming."

Regina nodded before finishing up her story. "She wasn't even two months along, so she was released by noon once they'd made sure the miscarriage was complete and she hadn't suffered any complications. She's at home, resting, and Whale is relieved. He says he plans to file rape charges against her by Friday."

"Regina, I don't really know what to say. I understand your wanting to help Dr. Whale after what happened to him, but just ending that pregnancy doesn't give him what he needs. He's been violated. He's had his body used in a very base way against his will. The resulting pregnancy..."

"Would have bound him to that worm for the rest of his life!" Regina spat back, not letting Archie finish his statement.

The vehemence in Regina's voice nearly made Archie jump out of his skin and an upsetting flash of insight struck him. "Regina, have you ever been pregnant?"

"Once, nearly a year into my marriage, but thankfully the herbal tea I served Nurse Gorlois worked just as well in our realm. Shortly thereafter, I voluntarily drank a curse to prevent myself from ever going through that again," Regina replied resolutely. While her voice remained steady and her body language displayed a defensive posture, her facial muscles and her eyes spoke of betrayal and fear. She had survived the experience, but it had left a mark deep enough that she didn't want another to go through what she had, even somebody who had hurt her as Whale had.

"So you can't have biological children?" Archie questioned, making sure to add the word biological to prevent her from becoming defensive about her role as Henry's mother. Everyone in town knew she loved that boy as her own.

"Not anymore. When I made the curse, I put in a single strand of Daniel's hair so that if I'd found a way to bring him back, I would have been able to carry his children. Now that I had to… Now that that's no longer a possibility, I'm officially and completely barren. But I want you to understand, I chose that. By the time I drank that curse, my mother was already gone from my life and it was my choice to sterilize myself with my mother's curse," Regina insisted, needing Archie to understand that the idea of bearing the child of any man other than Daniel had always appalled her and that the potion had been one of the few things her mother had left behind in their world that Regina had been truly grateful for. The fact that Cora had been the one to invent the concoction had always filled Regina with an odd sort of pride. Her younger self, still desperate to cling to any portion of hope for her mother, had fancied it as evidence that Cora had finally protected her for once in her life.

"Your mother's curse? How does your mother fit into this?" Archie asked for clarification. From what little Regina had mentioned about her mother in their previous sessions, he'd have assumed that Cora would have welcomed a royal grandchild to cement their family's hold on power and provide her with yet another human vessel to live out her own dreams through.

Regina considered how much she should inform Archie about her family tree, but in the end decided that in this particular case there was little to tell that he didn't already know from other sources of reference. "While it was Rumplestiltskin who instructed me on how to go about brewing it, my mother was the original inventor. You see my grandfather, my father's father, was King Gerard..."

"King George's father?" Archie inquired, surprised that the two were related, although considering the former king's recent ruthlessness in framing Ruby for Billy's gruesome murder, not as much as he otherwise would have been.

"Yes, George was my father's, younger, half brother. His mother was a duchess from the Marchlands; my grandmother, Cecilia, was the daughter of the head cook in the palace kitchens. My grandparents were very much in love, but being as my grandmother was a commoner, they weren't permitted to marry. Instead, my grandmother was given a vast estate in the countryside, where my grandfather stayed ten months out of every year with her and my father, returning to his legal wife and son only when some ceremony demanded it. After my grandfather died and George was crowned king, my mother decided to ferment a rebellion against George, one she intended to end with my father as king and her on the throne beside him. Of course, in order to gain popular support, she needed a reason to depose George. When he announced his engagement, my mother developed a curse to sterilize his bride, and then waited several years for everyone to start worrying about the succession. Once the rumors started, she got pregnant with me in order to contrast my father's potency with George's inability to impregnate his wife," Regina explained, watching Archie lap up the tale. During the 28 years of her curse, she'd often seen the therapist devouring books on historical figures and political intrigue, hoping to gain insight into the human condition that the curse had left him feeling isolated from. Now she was giving him a behind the scenes view of life amongst the power hungry nobility of the Enchanted Forest and his cursed self couldn't help but enjoy it, even if the conscience in him objected to that fascination.

"And that's when they called on Rumplestiltskin to help them adopt Prince James' brother," Archie surmised, finally understanding a situation he'd never understood at the time.

Seeing an opportunity to keep the conversation casual, even if just for a few moments more, Regina continued her history lesson. "Actually, it was about five years later that Rumplestiltskin approached _them_ about adopting a son. Rumple knew what my mother was trying to accomplish, so to blindside her he approached George and his wife with a deal. At the time George was still talking with fairies and the like trying to break his queen's curse. He didn't think it was possible to fake an entire royal pregnancy and just swap in a peasant's child. That side of my family was never very imaginative, so Rumple had to hand hold them the entire way through the deal."

Realizing what his patient was doing, Jiminy kicked Archie for allowing himself to be drawn into her fascinatingly irrelevant tale. Straightening his suit and clearing his throat, Archie sat up straighter and scanned his notepad. "We seem to have gotten off track a bit, but I'd like to come back to that sole pregnancy before you drank the curse; you said you used the same abortificant you gave Nurse Gorlois."

"Yes," Regina answered succinctly. She hated discussing the years she'd been a king's wife. She had but one good memory of that dark epoch in her life. Snow and Leopold had been on their yearly progression, and she'd successfully feigned illness to remain at the palace. She and her father had taken a couple sandwiches and sat outside under her apple tree in the late summer sunshine; they'd barely said a word the entire day, just sat there, each remembering better days, until the stars came out and the air chilled, forcing them indoors. Were it not for those few hours of calm, all eleven years of her marriage would have been a perpetual nightmare. Thereafter, when the stress of being the king's consort became too much, she'd returned to that day in her mind as a means of calming herself enough to deal with whatever problem had arisen and sent her into such a state.

Suddenly a hand shook her shoulder, and Regina was brought out of her reverie. "I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"

"I was asking about your governess, the one that taught you about the tea, but that doesn't matter right now. You zoned out there for a few minutes and your face just relaxed. Can you tell me what happened; what you were thinking about?" Archie requested, trying to hide his worry. He should have realized that being faced with a pregnancy born of an unwanted sexual relationship would involve some trauma, but he'd never expected Regina to disassociate right in front of him. He had to monitor her closely and tread carefully if he were to help her cope with these memories.

"I was just thinking about my marriage, trying to remember if there was any happiness at all. Then I remembered a day, just a few weeks after I drank the curse actually, when my father and I had a sort of make shift picnic in the shade of my apple tree. Leopold and his brat were away on progress and nobody bothered us, as we just sat there, enjoying the weather and the sunlight. It was so peaceful, for a few hours at least, there was contentment. But it was rude of me to daydream like that on your time. I won't let it happen again," Regina apologized, slightly embarrassed by her loss of focus.

"There's nothing to apologize for. I know the emotions surrounding your marriage are still quite painful and I know it can be difficult for you to express them, but I think it might be best if we focused on the present for the moment. Give the past a break, so to speak. Dr. Whale, where does that stand? I mean, you told me he plans to see Emma on Friday to report the rape. Was that his idea or yours?" Archie asked, hoping to create some distance between Regina and her pain for the moment. He would bring her back to it again, either before the end of this session or the next, but for now it was better to let her reorient herself.

Happy to move on and discuss Whale's situation, Regina cleared her throat before answering. "He refused to report the rape until Elaine had miscarried. After all, it would be far more difficult to force a miscarriage on a woman who's in police custody and for him preventing her from continuing the pregnancy was the most important part of the whole arrangement. I finally got him to agree to at least speak with Sheriff Swan once I'd taken care of it, lest Elaine try again with another unwilling would-be father. However, I believe Whale really does want justice; he simply doubts anyone will believe his accusation and even if they do, won't convict and lock up a relatively well liked pregnant woman for assaulting someone like him. So, admittedly, I did have to make his going to the sheriff a condition of my helping him. I can understand his being embarrassed, but he's not the only attractive, white collar male in Storybrooke. Somebody has to stop her before she decides on her next victim."

Archie began clapping happily and Regina thought he'd lost his mind for a moment before the therapist explained. "I'm so very proud of you, Regina. You're finally connecting with your conscience on your own. You saw what Nurse Gorlois did to Dr. Whale, you recognized the threat to other men in Storybrooke, and now you're working to protect them. Well done! Excellent, excellent work!"

"I wouldn't get too excited; I made it part of the whole deal, and Whale knows the consequences of breaking deals with users of dark magic," Regina responded, feeling ridiculous after Archie's gleeful outburst.

"Grant it, your methods still need a bit of work, but the point is you heard what your conscience was telling you and you acted on it. That's a big step. It may feel awkward right now, but in time you'll get used to it and figure out better ways to heed its call. Make no mistake, this is a major milestone," Archie gushed, truly proud of his patient. It was moments like this that made it all worth it.

"I thank you for your generous praise, but really, it just felt like another deal to me," Regina insisted, not feeling like she deserved what was being given.

"Okay, so tell me about the deal. What were the terms exactly?" Archie asked, hoping to dissect the deal in question to help his patient find where in the negotiations her conscience had sat down at the table unbeknownst to her.

Regina sighed, knowing this was likely where she would loose the therapist's good will. Yes, she had empathized with Whale, but she had gotten something out of the situation as well. It had been a deal in the full sense of the word. "Well, like I said, I was leaving the hospital with Henry last Thursday when Whale pulled me aside. I tried to protest, but before I could get away he quickly blurted out that he still had some tissue samples he'd taken from Daniel's body before his attempt to bring him back and that if I wanted them returned to me, I would help him with his problem. Otherwise he was going to quote 'hang onto them'. A part of me wanted to ignore him, to remind Whale that Daniel was dead and beyond the reach of suffering, but I just kept imagining parts of my Daniel being used in one of Whale's grotesque experiments, and I couldn't let that happen!"

"Of course you couldn't. Daniel was your true love, and from what you've told me about him, he deserved better than to have his remains made into some macabre bargaining chip by Whale," Archie insisted, wanting to let Regina know he understood her desire to preserve Daniel's legacy as a good man and not one of Whale's monsters.

"Yes, he did, but living or dead people rarely get what they deserve. I had to ensure Daniel's tissue samples were transferred to me so that I could return them to my family mausoleum. Daniel still holds a place of honor there. I suppose that's all I can give him now," Regina stated, the unrelenting sorrow of Daniel's pointless death flooding her veins as she spoke. She no longer cried, just felt ice flood her veins. Daniel had deserved so much and this was all she could give him in recompense for the joy he'd once given her.

"You're trying to honor his memory. That's what's important. That's what he wanted for you when he told you to love again, and you're doing that for him," Archie soothed, seeing the pain that he knew ran the deepest threaten to rip Regina apart once again. It might become more bearable, but he'd met enough people separated from their true loves to know it would never lessen or leave.

"Anyway, we made the deal and I'm collecting the samples tomorrow morning. I allowed Whale to take one final peek at them under the microscope, but he's delivering the vials to my home around 8 AM, before he heads to the hospital for his shift. I have a beautifully detailed silver box my father gave to me when I was a seven years old. I've always kept my most valuable possessions in it; that's where I'll place the vials in my mausoleum," Regina explained, glad to focus on the details.

"You haven't planned any kind of service?" Archie asked, having thought she'd want some sort of memorial for the man she'd loved.

"Snow is the only person in this town who'd ever even met Daniel while he was alive and I don't want her or any of her kin there. Maybe if Henry were a few years older, I might ask him to join me, but right now he's too young to put that on him. Besides, I let Daniel go back at the stables. All I'm doing this time is making sure his remains are treated with dignity," Regina answered in a weary tone, her emotional reserves depleted.

Archie accepted this answer and he understood. She had been through so much, she just wanted to close this chapter and get Daniel to his final rest. "Okay, fair enough. Regina, let me ask you something; if Whale hadn't taken those tissue samples and thus had nothing to offer you for your effort, would you have helped him?"

"I doubt he would have come to me under those circumstances, but if he had, probably not. After what Whale did to Daniel, I would have rooted for Elaine to take him to the cleaners on child support," Regina answered honestly. Whale meant nothing to her and she wanted to be rid of him. While Archie told her letting go of Daniel was the right thing to do, it hadn't really been her choice. Whale had forced her hand by stealing Daniel's body and placing that stolen heart into him.

"But you didn't; you helped him get out of ever having to pay child support, at least to Nurse Gorlois. Why do you think that is?" Archie questioned, his fist shifting to support his jaw as he leaned forward.

"I don't know. I mean, there was the return of the samples, yes, but it wasn't just Whale, exactly. I just… I don't know…" Regina replied, as she threw up her hands in frustration. But while she was indeed frustrated, it had little to do with her motivations.

She understood her motivations perfectly. Whale had made her an offer she couldn't refuse, and she hadn't, but she couldn't tell Archie all the details. He wouldn't understand and might even try to stop her from collecting on her side of the bargain. Then she'd really have no choice but to leave Storybrooke and her memories, her last shred of hope gone. Still, her duplicity in this matter did in fact sting in a way that surprised her, particularly when she thought of how she was deceiving this man who had trusted that there was still some good in her when nobody else would give her a chance, when even her own son had turned on her. It seemed her conscience was indeed returning, but she couldn't afford to listen to it at the moment, not when her best shot for happiness depended on her silence. She wouldn't lie to Archie, but she couldn't tell him everything, at least not for a few months. Then the truth would be unavoidable.

"That's okay. I understand that this is difficult, but let me throw out an idea and you tell me whether it hits anything. While I accept you had no interest in protecting Whale by insisting he report the rape, as mayor you've gotten to know many of the men in this town over the years, albeit through their cursed selves. Many of the men you've worked most closely with were the white collar professionals that you feared Nurse Gorlois might target after Whale, and you didn't want these people you've learned to get along with to be victimized the way you were nearly victimized when you were younger," Archie postulated before patiently waiting to hear Regina's reaction to his theory.

"Maybe. I don't know. I just… The mayor part sounds right. I mean, this was my town for decades. The curse literally created this place to my specifications of what a good place to live would be like. I don't want some rapist running around, disturbing the peace now that the curse is broken," Regina explained, finally grabbing onto why she'd felt so passionately about Whale's need to report his rape. Whale had gotten what he wanted with the miscarriage and she would be getting what she wanted starting tomorrow morning, but for some reason she hadn't been able to identify until now, she'd still insisted on this caveat. Whale had said he'd _probably_ report once Elaine Gorlois was no longer pregnant and she'd responded by making his doing so a deal breaker. She likely would have folded had he dug in his heels on the matter, but it had felt good to take control and make life somewhat decent again. In her chasing Henry and doing whatever he willed, no matter what her own thoughts or feelings, she'd felt bound. This had made her feel free. Perhaps her conscience could one day help her make good choices in life.

"So, your personal history aside, this was about justice more than compassion," Archie concluded, nodding to himself.

Few people realized that Regina had a very keen sense of justice. They thought her actions arbitrarily cruel, but he'd come to understand over these past few months that in their land, Regina had been denied justice over and over again and so had lashed out at everyone and everything in the Enchanted Forest, trying desperately to cobble together what she'd had taken from her. In Storybrooke, she'd gotten a taste of a system where at least in theory there was equal protection under the law. Here, the murder of a stable boy would not have been ignored merely because he'd been a stable boy and his murderess a wealthy and powerful lady. Archie could understand how that concept had soothed her and how Whale's rape had threatened that promise of equanimity. Whale was disliked at best so his rape would be set aside, thus allowing his more popular rapist to victimize him again in family court with a paternity suit. Regina had terminated the pregnancy, but that just opened the door for another man to be twice violated if that man were disliked. The status-blind justice that had been lacking in the Enchanted Forest had been a key element in why Storybrooke had eased her pain over the years of the curse and she needed to ensure that even with the curse broken, that justice wasn't just wiped away as the new Storybrooke took shape.

"Yes. There was little justice in our world. I wanted to use the resources this realm had, its laws, its courts, its town council meetings, to fix that. Those that had harmed me would be made to suffer, along with those that had aided them. But many here had been mere peasants or nobles who shied away from fairytale drama. I wanted to make things better for them," Regina explained, feeling foolishly sentimental, but also good and free.

Smiling, joyful tears threatening to fall, Archie cleared his throat to allow himself to speak firmly and with purpose. "And that is where your conscience has found its voice."


	3. Chapter 3

Authoress' Note: Again, I'd like to thank TheWormThatTurns for all their help. I'd never have been able to complete this story without you. It's finally found its way home thanks to you.

PS. This is the final chapter, however, this story was meant to do 3 things. Firstly to showcase the healthy friendship / therapeutic relationship between Archie and Regina and how he can be a major factor in her growth beyond her past. Secondly, to explain why Daniel's instruction to 'love again' can't mean romantic love in a Once Upon a Time context; and finally, to show how Regina can love again in other contexts if she's given the chance. She has many good qualities, but she needs the right environment and inducements to embrace them. Being good for good's sake just won't cut it. In her own life she's seen good loose too often to buy Henry's world view. This is what I believe Archie meant by finding out who she really is.

Without Direction: Part 3

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

As Regina sat down on her therapist's couch she felt relieved. A weight that had dogged her for nearly six months would soon be off her shoulders and she and Dr. Hopper could move forward with her therapy in good faith. She'd hated keeping this secret, but now it could see the light of day, and she hoped that by the end of this session Archie would be genuinely happy for her. "I have some very big news and I know it's going to come as a shock, but I'm pregnant, fifteen weeks along actually. Just so you know, I debated telling you before this, but I wanted to get into my second trimester to ensure the it held. I didn't want to disappoint Henry if I miscarried, but thankfully as of yesterday, I'm officially fifteen weeks now and the baby is still healthy, so I guess it's time to start announcing."

"Wait, wait, what, pregnant? I'm confused. A few months ago you told me that you had drank a curse on your own reproductive organs to prevent unwanted pregnancies during your marriage. What happened? How did this happen?" Archie stuttered, completely taken over by confusion.

"I did drink the curse, but you may also remember I put in an exemption when I brewed it. A few months ago, I learned that when Dr. Whale took tissue samples from Daniel's body before trying to resurrect him, he also retrieved live sperm. To Whale's amazement it appears that a preservation spell doesn't just preserve the shape and form of the body but its individual cells as well. When the enchantment was put in place Daniel hadn't been dead long enough for all his sperm to die, so with the help of in vitro fertilization, Whale was able to create three perfectly healthy embryos, one of which is growing inside of me right now. And I do plan to go back for the other two. If all goes well, in a few years, I'll be a mother of four. I know it'll be grueling work, but it's not like I have a town to run anymore," Regina commented, still slightly bitter at having lost her title as mayor despite the excellent job she'd done since coming to this realm. Still, she was excited about devoting the rest of her life to bearing and raising Daniel's children, hopefully along side Henry.

"Big news indeed, I'll grant you that, but for all the suddenness, I'm happy for you, Regina; although, I'm a bit unsure as to why you didn't mention you were trying to get pregnant. Not telling Henry till you had something definitive to tell, I can understand, but I'm an adult, not to mention a doctor working with you. I wish you'd been able to trust me sooner with this," Archie stated, trying his best not to sound accusatory. Still, something ate at his gut. There was more here than she was letting on and she seemed anxious about informing him as to its nature. Whatever it was, she feared his reaction.

"I didn't trust you sooner because I was concerned… afraid, that you'd try to stop me or even go to Sheriff Swan and have her get a court order to destroy Daniel's sperm along with his other tissue samples rather than allow me to have my children," Regina admitted, making sure to adequately express her fear. One aspect of this realm that had pleased the Evil Queen when she first arrived was the way the native people so easily adjusted their words in order to hide their fears, pains and insecurities. Had their memories remained in tact, most of Storybrooke's citizens would have found the exponential expansion of their vocabularies difficult to bear, but she'd reveled in all the new syllables by which she could control her subjects without the bloody force of an army or the fickleness of magic. In therapy, Regina knew she had to actively work to avoid those verbal tricks of power. She had to be honest and vulnerable to gain any benefit from her sessions. And the truth was, she had been very 'afraid', not merely 'concerned'.

Taken aback, Archie couldn't fathom why his patient would think such a thing. "Why would I do that?"

"Because of the deal I made with Whale. You've undoubtedly figured out that the sperm used to create this baby and its two potential siblings came from one of the tissue samples that Whale traded me in exchange for ensuring Elaine Gorlois lost her own pregnancy. I know the more conscience-driven choice would have been to assist Whale without payment and without harming Elaine's fetus, but Whale isn't seeking any kind of redemption and neither is Elaine. She would have been tipped off to Whale's plans to abort her against her will and he would have responded to my making his task infinitely harder by destroying Daniel's sperm, impregnating another woman with it, or worse using it in one of his disgusting experiments. I know this whole situation flies in the face of everything that is 'good', but I swear, I wouldn't have participated if I'd had another option that ended with me getting those samples and having this baby. Doing the right thing has never protected me or my Daniel from harm before and I couldn't risk our children's lives on the saccharine whims of my newly revived conscience. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't," Regina explained, shame and defiance alternating back and forth as she spoke.

This was the moment she'd dreaded for weeks. She knew it sounded bad; for all intents and purposes, she'd become some sort of fetal hit woman. It wasn't so much that she regretted what she'd done. After all, Elaine Gorlois was a rapist who had taken what should have been a meaningful act, the creation of her child, and turned it into an assault on a man she barely knew for the promise of a regular inflow of money. Regina just hoped Archie would look past any feelings of betrayal to see her side of things. If anyone in this town could, it would be Archibald Hopper.

Archie sighed, not really knowing how to handle this situation. He was disappointed, but he didn't completely blame her. Daniel was the only area in her life that Regina was completely powerless before, and Whale had once again used that underlying desperation for a happy ending with her true love to manipulate her into doing his bidding. Still, Archie couldn't merely brush aside Regina's part in the deal or the fact that she'd kept it hidden for months. "Regina, I know you wanted to keep a part of Daniel alive and preserve his dignity in death, but you made a deal to destroy another woman's fetus to do so. Irregardless of how that fetus came to be, doesn't the barbarity of that arrangement seem at odds with the beauty of the love you and Daniel shared?"

"Yes, and believe me, that thought grates at me daily. It sullies the creation of Daniel's children and I hate that fact! But then I remember my promise to Daniel to love again. This is the only way I have to keep that promise. I mean, I did what you suggested; I stopped chasing Henry. Yet, he's still with Emma and now calls her mom. Maybe if he was living with me, updating me daily on what happened at school, eating dinner with me, all the things that made up our relationship, maybe I would have been stronger when Whale proposed the... No, I won't cop out like that. I'm having Daniel's baby after all these years and I won't demean the miracle of her existence with excuses. I just couldn't leave Storybrooke. I've repeatedly tried to minimize the idea of loosing my memories of Daniel and Henry and reminded myself over and over again that it was my best shot at happiness, but for all the internal dialogue, I just couldn't sell it. If I were to have left, I wouldn't remember Daniel, which means I wouldn't remember, nor could I work to honor, my promise to him. Here, with his children, I can love every day, and there will be no out-of-nowhere birthmothers to steal this child's affections from me," Regina explained, tears threatening.

Her pregnancy was making it much harder to hide her pain and she found that tears flowed to the surface more easily now. Yet paradoxically, she almost never wanted to cry. She was carrying Daniel's baby. That fact in and of itself took the sting out of snarky townspeople's comments and even dulled the rejection from Henry's complete lack of interest in coming home. This baby was a sliver of the happy ending that had been stolen from her so many times. She wouldn't allow anyone, not even Archibald Hopper, to question her dedication to this path. Even when she was ripping her father's heart out, never in her life had she been more dedicated, never before had a choice seemed so right.

"Regina, did it ever occur to you that perhaps Daniel meant for you to find love with another man and to create a family together with him?" Archie asked, needing his patient to understand that there were other choices she could still make and honor her promise to her true love. Archie had never liked her idea of leaving town, but that didn't mean she had to remain single for the rest of her life.

"We only get one true love, one soul mate, Dr. Hopper. Everyone from our land knows that. You know that, I know that, and more to the point, Daniel knew it. He would never have asked me to do something impossible. He was truly the best person I've ever known, not a cruel bone in his body," Regina explained sadly.

"Emma's kiss woke Henry. Surely, you're not telling me Henry is Emma's soul mate," Archie rebutted, needing Regina to see that there were other possibilities for her. Even with this baby, she might still find happiness.

"Henry's a child and loving a child, particularly one as wonderful as my boy, is easy. True love of the adult kind must be worked for and only the love of a soul mate can make that effort worth it. Had we succeeded in running away together, Daniel and I would have had serious mountains to climb merely to sustain ourselves and our children. As my mother was so fond of telling me, poverty is the condition of most people for their entire lives and only those with the strongest will or the most fantastical luck can escape its grasp if they're born to it. Marrying Daniel had meant choosing that endless insecurity just as teaching and supporting a wife that had never done a hard days labor in her life would have been Daniel's cross to bear. But true love sustains you through those burdens, makes the alternative of giving up unthinkable. Building a life with anyone other than your true love is settling and settling inevitably breeds resentment. I've been on both ends of that bargain, I had to kill to get out of it, and no matter how 'redeemed' I become for Henry, I will never regret what I did for my freedom, even if I do wish there had been another way of obtaining it," Regina responded, forcing Dr. Hopper to face the absurdity of what he was suggesting.

"Your husband, the king," Archie surmised. For most of his life, Archie had believed Leopold a good man, and his friendship with Snow White had only enhanced that opinion. Now, his sessions with Regina were showing him the cracks in that image that Leopold had worked so hard to cultivate amongst the masses. This was not to say the man didn't care, didn't give far more abundantly to charity than any other monarch in the Enchanted Forest, but Archie was now seeing the political shrewdness in the gestures of what he'd once believed to be selfless compassion for the less fortunate and a total disregard for the welfare or happiness of his second Queen.

"He was nearly thrice my age when he married me and fully aware that his late wife had been his true love. He went out of his way to remind Snow and his court of that fact nearly every other day, so even having no knowledge of Daniel, he felt his own loss keenly enough to know our marriage would never bring happiness. Irregardless of this fact, he married me to please his child. He took my parents' estate to ensure I'd never run away or publicly cuckold him without consigning my father and myself to destitution. He even punished my refusal to put my royal duties as Snow's caretaker and his whore ahead of my lessons with Rumplestiltskin by humiliating my father and forcing him into servitude within the palace. Yet, he had the unmitigated gall to strut around the kingdom claiming his only desire was the happiness of all his subjects." Regina spat out bitterly. Leopold and Snow White's cult following had always enraged her. To Regina the two were little more than a despot and his overly indulged offspring; yet the people had bowed with genuine loyalty to them irregardless of their true natures while Regina was found lacking in warmth and her father was outright mocked.

"I'm sorry you had to endure that life for so long and the hypocrisy that came with it. However, just as Daniel was one of a kind, not every man is King Leopold. There are some good men out there who treat women with dignity and are considerate of their needs. Perhaps you shouldn't write them off so quickly," Archie advised, not wanting to sound preachy. He knew Regina had a lot of issues when it came to romantic love, but then he was her therapist. Helping her deal with them was part of his job.

Regina sighed. As far as she was concerned, when Daniel died, so did her love life. "I'm sure there are a lot of good men in this town, but I just don't see the point in pursuing any of them when I'll never be able to give them the love they deserve. Not to mention, remaining with me might deny them their own shot at true love. I refuse to take that chance away from someone or sink to Leopold's level for my own comfort."

"So you never plan to date again?" Archie asked, quietly tapping the tip of his pen against his notepad.

Regina rolled her eyes at the obliviousness of the former cricket to her lack of interest in the pathetic courting practices of this world. "It depends on what you mean by dating. I'll be seeking a regular lover after the baby is born and I'm back in shape. Graham served my needs quite well for many, many years and I'm hopeful that I'll be able to replace him at some point. It's just a matter of finding the right weekly bedmate, one who won't get too attached. Admittedly, that was far simpler when I could just rip out his heart to prevent him from developing feelings for me, but that would break my promise to Henry, so it is what it is."

"So you're okay with dating for the purposes of finding sex, but not for finding love?" Archie clarified, hoping to keep his patient talking. He knew she didn't like the direction their session had taken, but he needed to get her to explain her thoughts. So many elements of human love were twisted together that unless you separated each strand and examined it individually, you'd inevitably ended up with a Gordian knot.

"There are only three reasons people date, a desire for love, a desire for sex, and a desire for power; wealth, of course, being a subset of power. I've permanently lost the first, and have known since I was a small girl that courting for the third was extraordinarily dehumanizing for both parties. Sex is all that's left, but to answer your question, yes, I'm still interested in finding a regular supply of that," Regina finished with a wink, hoping to finally put an end to the conversation.

"Let me ask you something, Regina. Let's say that when Henry grows up, he takes this same attitude towards dating; what would you tell him?" Archie asked, trying to reframe the issue.

As Regina considered her answer, her face suddenly darkened, two hormone induced waves crashing into her simultaneously, one of disproportionate sadness, the other a blinding desperation that she'd not felt in years. "If he'd lost his true love young, I'd tell him to wear protection but accept his decision. However, I won't let that happen. I swear, when Henry falls in love, I'm gonna protect that girl with my life. I don't care how I feel about her personally; Henry's getting his happy ending or I promise you whoever is mayor will have to requisition snow plows to handle the piles of human hearts turned to dust that bury the streets of Storybrooke in my wake!"

"Regina, Regina, calm down! Just calm down! It was only a hypothetical," Archie shot up in anxiety, not even confident enough to place a comforting hand on her shoulder without taking a deep breath first.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Hopper. I'm not in complete control of my emotions these days. I didn't mean to frighten you," Regina apologized, straitening her skirt and blouse as if regaining balance in her attire could help her regain internal equilibrium.

Archie came to sit beside Regina taking a hand in his own to comfort her and allow her to see that he wasn't frightened. "It's alright. I'm more worried about you, about the fact that the first place you went with that question was to Henry's true love being killed. Henry is not consigned to your fate, Regina. He has his own life and his own future. I know your youth was filled with extreme abuse and psychological trauma and it's only natural that that would make you fearful for Henry and for the child you're carrying, but you have to learn to take life as it comes. I know that requires a lot of faith and your faith has been shattered quite often as well, but truly, it's the only way. You can't protect Henry from all the pain in the world, but you can't assume he'll suffer as greatly as you have either. You've already given him a safe and secure childhood, one you never had. You'll do the same with this baby and any that come after. Just take it one day at a time."

"I know Henry's destiny isn't necessarily filled with pain and loneliness, but there's no guarantee that it won't be. The same holds true for this child. I can't help worrying about their futures; I'm their mother," Regina defended, letting her hand settle over her still mostly flat abdomen. As it stood only she and Whale had seen her baby bump, her clothing still able to hide it from view. To everyone else, she probably appeared to have put on four or five pounds, enough to swell her a bit but nothing more drastic. Soon she'd no longer be able to keep her baby a secret and while she took comfort in the fact that her child's growth beyond the confines of her current wardrobe was normal and healthy, others being made aware of her pregnancy was merely another way of saying her enemies would have another target.

"Of course you're going to worry, but you're already planning a massacre if Henry gets hurt and he isn't even a teenager yet. Don't you think that's a bit extreme?" Archie asked, trying to make his patient see how her fear had carried her to an unnecessarily dark place.

"I know it is, and I assure you most of it's hormones. I don't think I would have gone there if I wasn't being barraged by my… darker impulses. I was getting better at controlling them before the pregnancy, but now they seem to have a mind of their own. I've given up on trying to control their emergence and am focusing all my energy on not acting on them. Just the idea of Henry being faced with a lifetime of loneliness and loss when he'd barely be out of his teens, makes me want to go and seek retribution right now. I feel trapped in my own body sometimes, but I supposed that's pregnancy. The only way out is childbirth," Regina sighed, running a hand through her hair in frustration.

"Maybe not; I can prescribe antidepressants that should give you greater control over your thoughts. Admittedly, some antidepressants have caused pregnancy complications in the past, but these are safe and relatively mild." Archie concluded, reaching for his prescription pad.

"They don't pack as hard a punch, so they can't harm baby," Regina interpreted, nodding with acceptance. Any help that wouldn't damage her baby would be welcome.

"Pretty much, but they're better than nothing and all you really need them for is to push back against your pregnancy hormones. Your own self control, which over the past few months you've proven is considerable, can handle the rest," Archie sheepishly admitted as she wrote out the prescription and handed it to her. She was right though, only birth and enduring the post partum period would right her brain chemistry. He made a note to try and get someone to look in on her after the baby was born to ensure she was handling everything well, for both his patient's sake and that of the little one inside her. Post partum depression wasn't something he wanted to fool around with, not when the mother-to-be had Regina's dark power.

"Thank you, Dr. Hopper. I was actually thinking of discontinuing our sessions till after the birth because of the hormone situation. Hopefully, with these, I won't have to," Regina replied in gratitude. The feeling was still odd, but not as awkward as it once had been and she credited these sessions most of all.

"Discontinue, why?" Archie asked, confused. He'd assumed their work was helping.

"Like I said, it's taking me all my internal resources not to strike out when anger or fear wash over me. What if my control slips and I harm you? I mean, as helpful as our time together has been, you do make me confront a lot of things I would rather not. That combined with a well-timed loss of self control could get you killed. I don't think I could forgive myself for that, not any more," Regina amended, making sure Archie heard the compliment in her explanation. She really did feel stronger now, but if that strength backfired on her therapist, her reborn conscience wouldn't make it. Her mind's need to protect itself would do what it had done so long ago, when she'd realized she'd have to stop caring about right and wrong in order to learn enough dark magic to bring Daniel back, bury her conscience to survive the horror she would become.

Archie considered his patient's concerns, but knew he couldn't allow her to sacrifice her continued growth out of fear of what might happen. Still they'd need to take precautions for everyone's benefit. "Regina, I appreciate your concern for my safety, but if you ever get close to that point I want you to tell me. Like you said, these should help you balance out your negative emotions, but discontinuing therapy in order to protect me isn't the answer. Just tell me if you feel overwhelmed and we can modify our sessions accordingly."

"I'll try, but I'm truly grateful for these. I know they're a crutch but at this point I'll take anything I can get. I'll swing by the hospital this afternoon and have Whale add them to my chart. Wouldn't want any surprises," Regina explained, patting her belly happily. Really, she did feel better than she had in a long time, the rare mood swing being the dangerous exception. As expected, the first trimester had been a bear, but now her energy was back along with her appetite, and she felt recharged and ready to move forward.

"You're still seeing Whale; you haven't moved to an OBGYN yet?" Archie asked, grave concern reshaping his features. While Regina had, by virtue of the curse she'd drunk, ensured that Whale could have only implanted an embryo created with Daniel's sperm and not some other man's, the mad scientists' continued involvement unnerved Dr. Hopper just the same. Perhaps it was his newly reintroduced human instincts to protect a pregnant woman, but he wanted that monster who wore the cloak of a doctor as far away from Regina as possible, not seeing her every other week for prenatal appointments.

"I'm seeing both. Dr. Mab is my regular gynecologist, and though she'll be handling the delivery, is acting as more of a back up here. As part of our agreement, Whale is monitoring the pregnancy. Somehow he thinks this baby's development might give him some clue as to where he went wrong in his procedure to resurrect her father. As I have Dr. Mab watching the watcher, I don't see the harm. Besides, I'm not letting him do any internal procedures or give me any prescriptions, but the additional ultrasound videos are a pleasure and the weekly food diary will make a nice souvenir for the baby book," Regina explained. She didn't see a problem in allowing Whale to monitor the pregnancy so long as her medical decisions were being made by herself and Mab, who as the former Queen of the Dark fairies, was smart enough not to cross her.

But continuing most of her monitoring with Whale and having Mab merely sitting in and receiving updates also prevented any of Snow's spies from getting wind of her pregnancy and reporting back before Regina was ready to publicly reveal her condition.

That she'd planned out perfectly. No matter how much she'd craved one of Granny's burgers, Regina hadn't stepped foot into the diner in over five months, not since the night before Whale had given her the first hormone injection to start the IVF process. This prevented Snow's pet wolves from detecting anything amiss in her scent. On the rare occasions she left the house, Regina worked diligently to ensure she never passed them on the street and would cross to the other side, careful to remain upwind if she saw them approaching. She also shied away from the fairies in a similar fashion, but avoiding Gold had been the real challenge. Her mother had warned her well on that account. Rumplestiltskin's primary stock and trade were pregnant women, pregnant magic users being of particular interest. Truthfully she didn't care whether he knew. She'd never made any deals to hand over her children, but he could still inform the entire town if it suited his interest, so she'd kept out of his way just the same.

She wanted this pregnancy to come out of the blue for the Charming family and the town that would bombard them with desperate questions within minutes of her arrival at Granny's in trendy maternity leggings and a pullover crimson blouse that would highlight her small bump the moment she removed her coat. In the resulting chaos, Regina hoped to get Henry thinking about this baby as his sister and himself as her gallant knight charged with defending the princess-to-be's honor and virtue. That way, when his birthmother and her parents inevitably tried to spin the situation to their own advantage, he'd tell them to step off. Unlike his birth family, Regina's son was a truly chivalrous hero and he'd shut down anyone who spoke ill against his unborn little sister, even his own biological family.

"But Whale's experiments…"

"Might one day conquer death and prevent someone else from enduring what I've had to in Daniel's absence. Just because Dr. Whale failed in the past doesn't mean he won't succeed one day and if my ultrasounds and pregnancy journals can contribute in some small part to that discovery, I take comfort in the thought. So long as my family isn't directly involved I see no harm in it, even if Rumplestiltskin and every other magical user I've ever known were right and it all amounts to nothing. Besides, I keep my promises and honor my deals," Regina explained, not wanting to have her decision to allow Whale's involvement questioned.

"Regina, death isn't something to be conquered, it's a natural…"

"Don't you dare give me the 'natural part of life' speech, when I had to watch my true love loose his life to a bony, grasping hand shoved into his chest! That was NOT natural; that was a perversion far more grotesque than anything Whale could ever come up with!" Regina snapped, refusing to allow anyone to claim that Daniel's death had some greater purpose or meaning. It hadn't; it had been senseless slaughter, and no matter what came out of it, always would be.

"Daniel was murdered, and you're definitely right, that wasn't natural, but if Whale were successful, he wouldn't stop at resurrecting murder victims or others who'd suffered unnatural ends. Surely you must realize the implications of people like your mother being brought back to life because they or someone loyal to them had the resources to pay for such a resurrection," Archie argued, trying to make his patient see reason.

"There are ways to make resurrection impossible, as what I had to do a few months ago in the stables proves. Death wouldn't end if Whale were successful, but it would be tamed… controlled, and as Rumplestiltskin taught me so long ago, once you control something you no longer have to fear it. Look, I don't know if Whale will be successful, or if anyone ever will be, but I think the effort is worth a few minutes out of my day during my pregnancy," Regina explained hoping Archie would agree to disagree. She didn't see how a philosophical debate on death helped matters, and thankfully the therapist seemed to understand.

"Well, that's your decision and I respect it. Even if I don't necessarily agree, I know you're coming to it from a desire to spare others pain, which is an admirable thing. However, I think we've gotten a little off track. What's important is that I see you're attending to your and your baby's health and taking adequate precautions where Whale is concerned. As you may have guessed, I don't exactly trust him," Archie sheepishly admitted. He wouldn't give up on anyone, but that didn't mean he had to take everyone at face value. It made him sad, but he'd always known that there were people who weren't trustworthy.

"I trust that he'll always put his own interests first. He's reliable in that sense, but I appreciate your concern for my baby. I'm also fully aware there are those that are not going to be so kind, due to the fact that she's mine and at least I know she'll have you looking out for her," Regina responded gratefully. It was good to know that her daughter would have support in a world that hated and mistrusted its mother.

"I will. I most definitely will. I've noticed you keep referring to the baby as 'she', have you found out the sex already or is this more speculation than certainty?" Archie asked, smiling at the praise his patient had heaped on him.

"My CVS test two weeks ago confirmed the baby is a girl. I would've been happy either way, but I think a sister will make Henry feel more connected. I just know she'll wrap him around her little finger the moment he sees her. Yes, aren't you the lucky girl? You're going to have your very own knight in shining… flannel," Regina laughed deeply, having directed her final comments to her bump.

"About that, when do you plan to tell Henry the good news?" Archie asked, a bit concerned about Regina's expectations that her son would automatically take to the baby. Still, the more he thought about it the more he concluded that it wasn't too far fetched either. Henry loved being the hero and older siblings were usually heroes to their younger ones simply by their proximity and existence.

"Tonight at dinner at Granny's and I'd appreciate it if you told nobody about my pregnancy. I don't want word getting back to Snow and Charming before I'm ready for them to know about it, giving them time to carefully construct their spin to convince Henry I'm replacing him and he should replace me as well," Regina replied, her eagerness for the meeting clearly evident on her face, but also the concern.

"Regina, I don't think Snow…"

"Ofcourse she would. We may no longer try to kill one other, and living in a democracy, neither of us is officially queen any longer, but we're still at war and always will be. Now I know you were part of her council back in the Enchanted Forest, but I'll have your license if you break doctor patient confidentiality in regards to the details of my pregnancy or its origins. I have no intention of telling anyone else who this baby's father is, not even Henry, or at least not until he's old enough to be trusted not to tell anyone outside our family. When I first met Miss Swan and asked about Henry's biological father, she said 'there was one', and that's going to be my answer. My personal life is my personal life, and Daniel is not a subject for public consumption, which considering his ties to me, would include ridicule and… base humor. I will not have our love treated so contemptuously or our children subjected to such crude meanderings," Regina declared resolutely, making it clear she would brook no contradiction from the former cricket on this point.

"Regina, I would never betray your trust on this matter and I respect your decision to keep this child's paternity a secret, but Snow White isn't your enemy in this world, nor is she your baby's enemy," Archie pleaded, hoping to help Regina see a means of ending this war.

"Snow White will always be my enemy; for Henry's sake we might be civil but the past never changes," Regina explained with grim conviction.

"True, but forgiveness…"

"Is impossible when Snow can never acknowledge the scope and breadth of her wrongdoing; I'm not even sure she's capable of cognitively grasping it. No, there can never be any rapprochement between us. There can only be tolerance and silent contempt, and I do not wish to speak about this any longer; there is nothing more to be said that wasn't already said long ago," Regina hissed, trying to calm her rage.

Seeing her struggle with her pain and rage, Archie relented, not wanting to push Regina any further until she had a chance to get the antidepressants into her system and she'd regained some control over her emotions. "So, how do you plan to deal with the town's curiosity? I mean, eventually you're going to show."

"Actually, I'm looking forward to that part. One of the few things I miss about my old life is the fear that prevented people from asking inappropriate and highly personal questions. Everyone remembers what my mother did when she got to this town. They know I inherited my powers from her and used them to cast the Dark Curse. After their very loud conversation in front of his shop, the people of Storybrooke also now know that Rumplestiltskin once made a deal with my mother's mother, as well. To be blunt, every time they see my baby bump, the fear that this child is just the next generation of evil will play through their minds and they won't dare come near me to ask questions. When she gets older and wants friends, this will likely become a problem, but I have a plan to win over the other parents by the time she's ready for preschool. In the near term the superstition of bad blood will keep the gossips from pestering me," Regina explained her thinking, more comfortable with this conversation than the previous one.

"Why would you want yourself and your child feared? I mean, having a baby should make you want to draw closer to the community, not push it away!" Archie offered, needing to understand what was driving his patient. If anything could make the people of Storybrooke give Regina a fighting chance, it would be a brand new baby. He remembered how Henry's arrival had spurred public accolades for the mayor all around town, despite the current of nameless fear that had always been underneath every interaction with her.

"This community will never want to draw closer with me. They'll always be looking for an angle, a means of controlling me, or a way of winning favor with their second hand monarchs. As my little girl grows, I plan to take part in every prenatal yoga class, every Mommy & Me meeting, every Saturday morning at the sandbox, in short, every event this town has for the two of us. By the time she's ready for school, nobody will fear her because she'll just be one of the local children. They'll have all watched her grow into a normal, healthy girl. Once I have her in preschool, I can go back for the last two embryos. They can ride their sister's social coattails. Throw in Henry's influence, and this community will embrace my children. Me they never will, and I'm okay with that. I've never felt very comfortable in groups anyway," Regina detailed her plan, hesitantly admitting the final part. She hated admitting weakness, but she knew it was necessary to the process.

"While I think your plans for your children are spot on, I'm worried about your own attitude towards the rest of the town. When you go to these meetings and classes you should try to get to know some of the people there, try to make a few friends," Archie advised, smiling an encouraging smile.

Regina sighed, not feeling very comfortable with the therapist's plan. "The people of this town aren't interested in becoming my friend; I cursed them, after all. Look, I'll see how I'm treated and what options I have once I get to the classes. However, I think you underestimate the contempt the people of Storybrooke have for me."

"Regina, I'm not naïve. I know there are a lot of people that will never forgive you for casting the dark curse, but there are many who will. I think some of them might just surprise you," Archie offered, sure he was right. The people of this town were generally good. He hoped that in time Regina would come to see that.

"Ah but these aren't people; they're parents. Trust me, you become far more paranoid when an infant enters the picture. During my first 18 years in Storybrooke, twenty minutes of housework each day and a cleaning lady, twice a week, was more than enough for me to live alone in comfort and cleanliness. Then Henry came along and within a month I was seriously considering resigning my post as mayor so I could spend more time personally sanitizing the filthy sty that is my house. Nesting isn't just the chores you do; it's a mindset that overtakes you, even when you know you're bordering on irrational. Heck, I still clean for an hour before Henry arrives for dinner and he's an eleven year old boy. Make no mistake, these people are on high alert for dangers great and microscopic now that they're expecting. They just have no experience with human carnage so their hormone surges don't leave them as… aggressive as mine do," Regina explained, trying to give Archie an accurate picture of the nature of parenthood.

While a part of Archie wanted to reject this notion, he couldn't help thinking about Gepetto and the way he'd fought to blackmail the Blue Fairy into allowing Pinocchio to take the second spot in the wardrobe. They'd known the need to protect the savior was paramount and yet a kind hearted man he'd raised from boyhood had become as cold to the needs of thousands of others as any dark magic user Jiminy had ever met in order to ensure his own child's survival. "Parents do tend to over react sometimes; that's true."

"It's not overreacting; it's seeing life for the brutal and uncaring thing that it truly is and fearing what it will do to your children. Henry still believes good always defeats evil, but if that were true, my baby wouldn't have to grow up without her father. Sometimes parents misdirect the fears and hurt life has cursed them with, but that reaction isn't unwarranted. What matters is that my children have a chance to find happiness. I'll do anything for that," Regina stated with zealous conviction. After all, hadn't her father permitted her to take his heart just for the chance she might find happiness in this land without magic? To be worthy of his sacrifice, she had to be willing to go to the same lengths for her own children.

And she would. She would do whatever it took to give her children their shot. She knew their love would make it all worth it. If there was an afterlife, she hoped her father knew how grateful she was for helping to get her here and give her this chance.


End file.
